Some gifts are extra special

What makes a gift extra special? For me, it’s that the gift tells me someone knows me inside and out and knows what will make my heart sing. Do I appreciate any gift I get?  Yes, of course.  It’s just that every once in a while, I open a package, break into a huge smile and exclaim, “Oh!”

That happened this week when I received a package in the mail from an out of state friend.  We girls long ago agreed that presents get opened as soon as they arrive. No waiting for Christmas Day or the day of our birthdays.  Just seeing the package on the front porch was special because we don’t regularly give each other gifts.  Some years only one of us sends a gift, and some years we both do; some years we send Christmas gifts; some years we send birthday gifts; some years only cards.  It’s hard to say how we decide. It may have to do with whether we’ve seen each other that year or talked frequently on the phone or just that we’ve stumbled upon that special something and knew we had to get it.

I opened my beautifully wrapped box and found three items.  The first thing I spied was a package of cocktail napkins that depicted a stack of books with titles like Chablis, Pinot Noir and Merlot, with the very clever saying, “Well Red.”   The play on words was apropos in that I’m an avid reader and enjoy a regular glass of wine, typically red. 

Next was the book, “Why We Write,” a collection of interviews with authors who explain “how and why they do what they do.”  I haven’t been writing for as long as I’ve been reading, but I enjoy doing both, and it’s quite often something I read that sparks a blog or column. When I dipped into the book, I found that one author had said essentially the same thing: “Reading is the nourishment that feeds the kind of writing you want to do.”

If it weren’t enough that my friend recognized my penchant for reading and writing, she also included an item that touched on my love of cats. It was a kitchen towel decorated with a green-eyed cat wearing a plaid scarf.  Puddin’, my calico office assistant, agreed the towel was perfect.  Any one of these presents would have brought a smile to my face, but the combination made me grin from ear to ear. In fact, I’m grinning even now as I type this.

I had to pick up the phone and call my friend right away to ask, “Do you know all of your friends so well that you can find the perfect something for each of us?”  She replied that sometimes something speaks to her, and these items did just that, especially the book.  I feel fortunate that she heard that voice and fortunate to have her as a friend.

Good friends are the best gift of all, and any additional gifts are just a bonus.  Now, every time I open the book, bring out the napkins or glance at my cat towel, I’ll think of my friend … and I’ll smile once again just as I’m doing right now.

Have a comment? Write me at  The Ink Penn.

Friends are Good for Your Health

This is my second annual trip to Hilton Head Island for a healthy girls’ weekend. Does that sound like an oxymoron?  I’ll admit that in years past, my girls’ trips may not have been all that healthy and usually included significant amounts of wine.   These days, no matter which set of girlfriends I travel with, we’re more likely to be sure to include healthy doses of walking, hiking or bicycling, though we still manage to have a bit of wine or even a cocktail or two.

Once again this year, I’m spending time with friends I made over twenty years ago when we all traveled together for work. Last year’s trip marked the first time we’d all four connected in many, many years. The impetus or excuse for these trips is a boot camp organized by my friend who morphed into a personal trainer years after leaving corporate America.

As I was making the five hour drive, I alternately listened to the radio and the handful of CDs I’d grabbed as I ran out the door.  How appropriate that I heard John Tesh cite a factoid about friendship and health to the effect that not having friends is as harmful to your health as being obese. I had to smile as I thought to myself, “Well then, I’m definitely healthy.”

As that radio station faded, I turned to my CDs, all of artists whose names started with an S.  Yes, I try to keep my CDs in alphabetical order and didn’t realize I’d hit only the S section. I started with Barbara Streisand’s Broadway album and then moved on to Simon and Garfunkel. I sang along to Sounds of Silence, Homeward Bound and finally I am a Rock. The lyrics to the last song have always struck me as sad, but seemed even more so after hearing the blurb about friendship on the radio:

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And since my mind wanders as I drive, I couldn’t help but wonder how many folks these days know that those lyrics derive from the John Donne poem, No Man is an Island? Or that Hemingway took the title of his novel, For Whom the Bell Tolls from the last line in that same poem?

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.

Ah well, my English teacher past is showing. These meandering thoughts just reinforce for me how fortunate I am to have two sets of long-term friends, this crew from banking and another I met in my first career as a teacher.  I am, thankfully, not an island. 

Good Wine, Good Friends, Good Laughs

We’re trying to get in shape for our summer cycling trip in Normandy, and we’ve mostly been riding one day every weekend. Yes, we could stand to do more, and we’ve managed to ride both days a few weekends just to adjust to time in the saddle, if you get my drift.  I’m not overly concerned about being ready to ride 40 miles a day. We have all day to accomplish that, and we manage to ride 20 miles in about two hours of straight riding here at home. 

With stops along the way for lunch and the occasional antique shop or museum, I think we’ll easily be able to make forty miles before dinner. And if not, I believe the sag wagon that accompanies us on the trip is there for a reason. If there are days when 40+ miles is just too much, I’ll happily climb in the van. I’ve done my record 50 miles in one day—not a big record for some, but a big deal for me—and I’ve done my major hills, with our trip to the Greek Islands last year.  My husband, on the other hand, always feels he has to run faster, climb higher…well, you get the picture. I just don’t think there’s any shame associated with taking a break when my knee hurts, or when the hills are just too high.

Come to think of it, there’s no shame associated with having a bit too much wine one evening and being unable to go the distance the next day.  After all, we are talking French wine.  My girlfriend, with whom I tend to get in the most trouble, is accompanying us on this trip along with her husband, and MY husband is already predicting that the nightly wine will be an issue for us girls. Ah well, good wine, good friends, good laughs…sounds like the perfect trip.

A Bountiful Beauty Bag

I’ve been enjoying myself immensely since my girlfriends took me out for a birthday lunch last weekend. Their gift to me was a Beauty Bag, as they called it. I’ve always been the one in the group most interested in skincare and makeup, so a Beauty Bag was the perfect gift. They know me all too well.

Years ago, I read about Paula Begoun’s book Don’t Go to the Cosmetics Counter without Me and became a huge fan of the book, her Paula’s Choice website and her products. Paula believes you can find good products at the drugstore and don’t need to spend lots of money to look good.  Her website has a section called Beautypedia where she rates products, and it’s my go to when I’m looking for makeup or skincare products.  My friends have been the recipients of her products and books ever since I found her, so it was fitting that Bev, the Internet Queen among us, referenced the Beautypedia as she researched products for my Beauty Bag.

I haven’t even begun to try out everything they gave me, but I've worn my new infinity scarf and tried the CoverGirl Professional Remarkable mascara and Revlon Colorburst Matte Balm, and love them all. The lipstick, which came out in 2013, was recommended by Bev’s 21 year-old daughter, so now I feel like I’m keeping up with the younger crowd. And, since the birthday I just celebrated ends in a zero, every little youthful boost helps.

This week, while listening to a two-hour training class, I tried the Suddenly Smooth Intensive Hand Treatment. The treatment consists of a pair of gloves “infused with shea butter, argan oil and rose oil." You leave them on for 20 minutes and voila—smooth, soft hands!  That was a heavenly treat, and I definitely need to stock up so I can use them weekly this winter. Now, if only they made gloves that went all the way to the elbows to combat the leather look of my arms.

Also in the bag were several items from Andree’s Essential Soaps, a company headquartered in Athens, Georgia. Susie, the newest addition to our group, discovered this line. Check out the website for the inspiring story of how they got their start.  Their products were even included in the Gala Gift bags at the Emmy Awards one year. I’m enjoying the French Hand Crème, and I’ve been using the jar of H.E.L.L. Crème on my legs nightly. And, just what does H.E.L.L. stand for? Help Eliminate Lizard Legs.  You gotta love the name!  Perhaps I should try the Lizard Legs Crème on my leather arms, or better yet, I’ll send Andree the idea for a new product.

I have no idea where they came across the Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay, but I can’t wait to try it. It’s a masque that’s supposed to make my face glow. I’ve also got a cleansing lemon verbena sugar scrub and a moisturizing serum to try.  So many beauty treats, so little time! 

Do I have great girlfriends or what?

Auld Lang Syne

This song popped into my head, when my husband got word that a friend from his Air Force days had passed away. He’d been in the hospital for a month and had been improving, so we were surprised and saddened by the news.  Up until about ten years ago, the two hadn’t spoken since those long ago days.  

Wikipedia tells us “Auld Lang Syne … is a Scots poem written by Robert Burns in 1788 and set to the tune of a traditional folk song. The song begins by posing a rhetorical question as to whether it is right that old times be forgotten, and is generally interpreted as a call to remember long-standing friendships." 

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and old lang syne?

Well, for my husband, the answer is a resounding “No.” When he retired ten years ago, he had time on his hands, and he set about locating friends from his younger days.  This was before Facebook, so he did it the old-fashioned way: he used the on-line white pages.  I often overheard him leaving messages like, “are you the Joe Smith who went to Whitefoord Elementary School or served in Pleiku?”  Believe it or not, he located quite a few old friends this way. 

 

My husband found his Air Force friend in upstate New York, and he subsequently joined us at a Pleiku Air Base reunion in Virginia and became a regular at these annual events. Using that same lo-tech technique, my husband located two other Viet Nam buddies in the Midwest, and they joined him at a reunion in St. Louis one year. He and several of these guys even caught up on a conference call one time.

 

He also unearthed a few grammar school friends.  Because he moved around quite a bit as a child, he didn’t go to the same high school as his boyhood friends, and despite fond memories, lost touch with them.  Once they reconnected, though, he was invited to a high school reunion, where he was able to touch base with a good many of them. 

 

When he locates an old friend, they stay in touch through email and the occasional phone call. Though he has some more recent friends—recent as in the last ten to twenty years—I know he treasures his friends from long ago.  He has invested heavily in maintaining these friendships, and I’m sure he’d agree that the investment continues to pay him huge dividends. So, as the song goes, here’s to old friends.

… there’s a hand my trusty friend!
And give me a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

Memories of a Mentor

Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.  

This Charles Schulz quote is just one of the many my mentor shared with me over the years, and when someone else sent it to me the other day, I immediately thought of him. Phil Krause was once my manager, often a coach and counselor and always a friend. When he passed away suddenly a few years ago, he was mourned by many. 

When Phil left corporate America to branch out on his own as a leadership consultant, he had a strong foundation of contacts because he was the ultimate connector. Once you knew Phil, you were a friend for life.  He stayed in touch in countless personal ways, recommending books, mailing an article he cut out because he thought of you or sending an email about a mutual friend he’d run into.  Whenever he was in Atlanta on business, he made it a point to see me and even stayed with us once.  I am sure he did that with many others. 

He was famous for his Christmas letters which always included two pages of quotes and a magnet with his quote of the year.  The Charles Schulz quote is one of those. One of his many friends has continued this tradition by sending an email list of quotes in Phil’s memory annually. 

Through the years, I called Phil for ideas on leadership meetings and even hired him several times to help plan and facilitate meetings. He was always available to offer advice about difficult work relationships, what I wanted to do next in my career or any leadership topic. He was a master at asking thought provoking questions.  You didn’t call Phil to whine; you called him to work through an issue. 

There were three of us who worked for Phil his last few years at the bank, and we all stayed in touch with each other and with Phil.  Because we took so many business trips together to facilitate offsite leadership programs, we got to know each other pretty well. When he heard we three had a girls’ trip planned, he told me he had a book he wanted us to read when we were all together. Soon thereafter, I received three copies of How Proust Can Change Your Life, my last surprise package from Phil. 

His gift was that he brought out the best in everyone he encountered.  He always encouraged me to be the best and pushed me when I had self-doubts. To this day, I use what he taught me, whether coaching a co-worker, counseling a friend, or working through a problem on my own, and I think of him when I do.

 

There are quite a few of us still at the bank who worked with Phil, and his name never fails to come up when we connect.  We all comment on how special he was and how much we miss talking to him.  Maya Angelou was so right when she wrote,

 I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

A Tale of Two Vacations, Part One

I took two girls’ trips in October, one with three women I worked with years ago and one with my youngest sister. A good time was had by all, but the two trips could not have been more different.

The first one to Hilton Head Island with my former co-workers was health focused, as it was organized by our size-two-petite friend who is now a personal trainer.  She had several groups of clients in throughout the week, but we kicked it off for her on the first weekend. She had the time slot available at her beachfront condo, so we all thought it was a perfect excuse to get together. We stuck to quite the regimen.