Sunday, May 6, 2018

DogSpeak: There's so much to learn about dogs

As a Royal Pooch,  it’s incumbent upon me to understand dogs so that I can relate to my subjects. I asked Mum to help me with my education, and we started with some light reading from the Sunday paper.

On Sunday mornings, Mum and Dad lounge around in their PJs, read the paper, and drink coffee, and I recline on my royal bed.  Sometimes Mum reads aloud to Dad and me, and we two guys got a chuckle out of a Parade Magazine story about dog owners. 

It seems we dogs are hugely popular.  Did you know that 48% of Americans own dogs and that lots of dog owners let their four-legged kids sleep in the bed with them?  Mum is the one who read this to me; why doesn’t she get the hint about the bed? Why people even have birthday parties for their dogs.  I’m talking dog birthday cakes, party hats, biscuits for the guests, all kinds of things. 

I get enough adoration at my book signings, so I can do without an extra party, but I do think Mum and Dad should write me into the will.  Yup, that’s another thing that dog owners do. I know Mum’s sister Aunt Pam has made provisions for her Great Dane and all of her cats.  I’d hate for anything to happen to Mum and Dad, but I sure hope they’ve willed me to a loving family. My first vote would be to live with Miss Beverly or Nurse SarahAnne, two of my fave critter sitters, and I know they’d love to have me.

Mum said that lots of dog parents travel with their dogs.  Now, Mum and Dad have taken me on several road trips, but I don’t get to go everywhere with them. Frankly, I think it’s preposterous that some hotels and B & Bs don’t allow dogs. It seems to me that Mum and Dad should boycott those establishments rather than leave me behind. Yes, sometimes they fly, and I hear that because of my majestic size, I’d have to fly in the baggage compartment, instead of in first class where a Royal Pooch belongs. If airlines are that ridiculous, I’ll just stay home when the Royal Parents fly.

I laughed when Mum read that some dogs have social media accounts.  I, the Royal Pooch, have my very own Instagram account, @lordbanjotheroyalpooch, though I generously allow Mum to post an occasional pic of my feline sister, Princess Puddin’.  You know, when I review the list of perks that many dogs get, I don’t get all that many:

Birthday parties--NO
Vacations with pet parents--YES
Regular visits to the Grooming Salon--YES
Sleeping in bed with parents--NO
Psychic Readings—NO
Yappy Hours—NO
Doggie Day Care—NO
Dog furniture—NO
Clothes—YES if you count my beautiful purple robe
Instagram account--YES

My, my, dogs across America are well loved—or spoiled—depending on whom you ask.  Now, as Lord Banjo, I could decree that these privileges become the norm at the Royal Abode, but I don’t want them all.  Top of the list would be sleeping with my Royal Parents, and I would adore a dog couch or chair in addition to my dog beds. Psychic Readings? I think that’s plain creepy.  Doggie daycare? No way! I want to learn about my subjects, not spend all day amongst them. The way I see it: I’m Royal; they’re not; end of story.

Lord Banjo lives in Georgia with his Mum, Kathy Manos Penn. Find similar stories in his book, “Lord Banjo the Royal Pooch,” available  on Amazon. Contact him at

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