Thursday, July 21, 2016

Lord Banjo's diet plan pays off

Lean Mean Fightin' Machine

I am pleased to announce that I have arrived at my goal weight.  Sounds like Weight Watchers; doesn’t it? No, I didn’t attend weekly meetings, but I sure stuck to my diet and exercise routine.

My torture plan…I mean diet plan…started in late March when I weighed in at ‘round about 80 pounds. I had only lost two pounds by mid-May when I went to summer camp.  There, Miss Beverly (aka the Royal Physician) cut my rations, and I lost two more pounds over two weeks. 

Miss Beverly walked me every day, sometimes twice a day, and my dad took over that regimen when I returned home.  Phew!  I think it’s been more about Dad wanting to lose weight than it’s been any concern for me, but whatever the inspiration, I’m getting plenty of walks.

Its’ been so hot here that Dad has started getting up early, as in 6:00 or 6:30 AM, to get in a walk before the heat sets in.  I have to say that he and I have disagreed a few times as to what constitutes real heat. He may call me his “little boy in the fuzzy suit,” but he doesn’t seem to get what that means for me in hot, muggy weather. Even worse, he’s lately been trying to squeeze in three walks a day.

Sometimes, when he gets out the leash, sunglasses, and ball cap, I refuse to go to the door and look at him as though he’s crazy.  Well, actually, he is crazy to think I’m going out in that weather. He gets a tad irritated and goes without me, which is more than fine by me.  Soon enough, Mum comes downstairs, and we sit on the screened porch under the overhead fan. Even that can be much too hot, but I’m a little trooper, dontcha know?  Okay, okay, some would say I’m a big trooper.

For a short time, we made regular visits to a new fountain in front of the nearby gated community.  Now, that was seriously cool.   I could stand in water up to my tummy and walk under the spray too.  Mum wondered when the homeowners were going to notice and ban us. Not to worry, we struck wading off our list when the water started turning green, a situation I’m sure had nothing to do with me.  Had the drain been blocked with beautiful, wavy black hair, that would’ve been a different story.

Dad has also accused me of balking.  He claims that I just stop mid-walk and refuse to go any further.  Since there are no additional witnesses, I say it’s his word against mine.  On the other hand, it’s worth noting that I’m no dummy.  When he decides to walk in 98% humidity and 80⁰-95⁰ weather, someone needs to take control and be sure neither of us has heat stroke.

And now, drumroll please, the news about my weight.  I’m a mean, lean fightin’ machine, weighing in at 68 pounds! I even surpassed the goal of 70 pounds. You’d think that would mean an ice cream and cake celebration, right?  Ha!  No way.  After consulting Miss Beverly, the royal parents determined they would increase my rations by a mere ½ cup a day. 

I need to find a way to hide that darned measuring cup.  Meanwhile, I remain committed to keeping Puddin’s dish licked clean.  My vigilance should keep Jelly Belly from getting any bigger. (Cute nickname, right?)  Can’t you tell I’m all about brotherly love?    
Me and Jelly Belly

Lord Banjo looks forward to receiving fan mail at The Ink Penn.